Couples Massage Don’ts – Don’t Do These!

Continuing with the Couples Massage topics for the Valentine’s month. This week I will share the tips on what NOT to do during couples massage when you give a massage and receive a massage, so you will not feel bad physically and emotionally during and after the massage.

I’m going to refer to the person who is giving a massage as Giver and the person who is receiving a massage as Receiver.

Let’s start with Couples Massage tips on what not to do as a Giver.

Don’t Do These as a Giver

1. Ignore your partner’s wants. Unless you are a psychic and you can read others’ minds, don’t assume what your partner wants or needs. Instead, give what your partner wants. Clear your mind and listen to your partner for what he or she wants in terms of what body parts they want massaged, at what pressure, and speed, etc.

Check in by asking how it feels. Create a space so your partner can speak up freely and be open to accept it. If your partner requests something, adjust accordingly. Don’t take it personal. Stick to being of service for the few minutes you are giving massage.

2. Think about what you don’t like about your partner. Touch is a very powerful communication tool and your thoughts and feelings can transfer through touch. So think of at least one thing you love or appreciate about your partner. Not about the socks on the floor or leaving the toilet seat up. I know and sorry it’s from a female point of view but I can’t help it. I can’t think of anything that would bother guys. You are welcome to share in the comments below and educate me.

3. Not honoring your partner’s boundaries. Massage is a wonderful opportunity to casually touch your partner. It is also a sensitive activity that can go wrong quickly. If you are in a mood to take it further to more intimate activities, your partner better be on the same page. If you are both on the same page, great, enjoy it! But if not, massage becomes a part of unwelcome advance. And I’m talking from my own experience.

Physical touch may be part of your daily life or it may be the thing of the past. Either way, please don’t ruin the massage experience by pushing your partner’s boundaries at the given moment. And I say at that given moment because it can change. Who knows if you give a sincere, heartfelt massage without an ulterior motive, your partner may be touched and moved by your loving gesture and open up, kind of like the fable The North Wind and the Sun.

Ok now the tips for the Receiver. You may think in Couples Massage, the Giver is the only one responsible party to make the experience great but no. The Receiver is equally responsible.

Don’t Do These as a Receiver

1. Not being specific about what you want. Unless your partner is a psychic who can read your mind, communicate clearly about what you like massaged, at what speed, and what pressure, specific location using right, left, up or down, etc. as well as what you do not want. Especially, if you have boundaries, let your partner know. Your clear communication will help you get what you want. Be nice as you make your requests because your partner is doing you a favor. And using the magic word “please” always helps.

2. Not speaking up when you feel good and when you feel not so good. Always acknowledge your partner if something feels good. You can say “Ahh that feels so good” or moan or sigh. Communication doesn’t have to be just verbal as long as it communicates to your partner. But if you are uncomfortable with a particular technique or pressure, it’s important to speak up and let your partner know.

This can be as simple as “that’s a little bit too much pressure” or “Can you please focus more on my shoulders?” Instead of saying “You are hurting me” say “That hurts.” Make the subject massage technique not your partner himself or herself because massage technique doesn’t define your partner. It’s just a tiny aspect. But watch how you say it too so you’re not making your partner feel small, bad or wrong.

3. Not showing appreciation. Don’t forget to say “Thank you” after the massage, or express any other forms of appreciation. Again, your partner is doing you a favor and is probably not a professional massage therapist. (Lucky you if your partner is a professional massage therapist.) So don’t expect a superb massage especially in the beginning.

Always appreciate the effort that your partner is making as they are doing the best they can. Praise little improvements and make requests in a way that will keep them motivated and encouraged to give you more massages.

As you can see, the tips for couples massage is so basic and fundamental. You can use Couples Massage as the practice ground and you are welcome to apply in your daily life outside of massage.

I think massage is 50% techniques and 50% way of being. Even if the technique is great, if the way of being of the Giver and the Receiver is not so kind or appreciative, the massage experience is not great. And even if the way of being is great, but the massage techniques are not so great, that’s not an enjoyable massage experience either. This is also true with the professional massage therapists.

The benefit of Couples Massage is to feel good physically and emotionally during and after the massage. Keep these tips in mind as you give each other a massage. Happy partner is happy life.

Massage Monday #631 Don’t Do These in Couples Massage