Couple’s Massage Do’s and Don’ts

Here are some Do’s and Don’ts that I believe should be applied when you give each other massage.


1. Be specific – As a receiver, tell your partner if you want lighter/deeper pressure, faster/slower stroke, specific location (right/left/up/down), etc. Communication is the key when you give each other massage. Your feedback helps your partner to give you what you want. Be nice in how you say as your partner is doing you a favor.

Pressure is RELATIVE. There is no “pressure meter” for massage. Your medium pressure may be too deep or too light depending on the receiver. As you massage each other you will learn what stroke, pressure, speed, and location your partner likes to receive.

2. Listen to your partner – As a giver, give what your partner wants – instead of what you think your partner wants or needs unless you are psychic. In order to really listen to your partner, you need to clear your mind. That means stop talking and stop chattering in your head. This may be easier said than done especially if you have a lingering conversation about your partner such as “Why can’t he put the toilet seat down?” or “It’s her turn to put the garbage out.” If necessary resolve the issues first before you massage each other.

Don’t take it personal if your partner requests you to change something. Sometimes it takes time to learn how to give good massage. If you feel you’re not getting it, don’t be frustrated. Keep practicing. Your partner appreciates your willingness to practice.

3. Acknowledge your partner – As a receiver always acknowledge your partner during massage in a way that motivates your partner. Let your partner know if something feels very good or your partner is doing something better. It can be a simple relaxing “Ahhh…”  Don’t forget “Thank you” at the end of receiving the massage.


1. Do not massage if your partner has conditions such as: Fever, swelling, open wounds, cuts, bruises, broken bone, varicose veins, recent surgery, extremely high blood pressure, infections, etc. If you have any medical conditions or health issues, check with your medical doctor if it’s ok to receive massage.

2. While giving massage if you or your partner is in pain, STOP your action immediately. Also, if you are giving massage and you are shaking, your body mechanics must not be right. Ideally you should be able to give the same stroke for 10 minutes without pain in any part of your body if you have the correct body mechanics. Learn the correct body mechanics and strokes from the professionals.

3. Never tickle your partner – unless your partner likes to be tickled. The whole idea is to give your partner a relaxing environment and enjoy your massage. Once you tickle your partner your partner will be on guard and will not enjoy your massage. I had to throw this in because I hate to be tickled!